Children’s books for “right” minded patriots!

Our new “Florida’s Official Guide To” series was specifically written to pass the stringent review process in school libraries in the great states of Florida, Texas, Idaho, and more! They’re certain to be a favorite of patriotic children everywhere. 

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Endorsed by Gov G. Santos himself!

Florida’s Official Guide To: Harriet Tubman

Harriet Tubman stands as an iconic figure in American history. Born in Maryland in the 1800s, Tubman’s life story is a testament to following your dreams. As a conductor of the Underground Railroad, she became a prominent travel and leisure professional in these United States and inspired so many others to do the same.

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Florida’s Official Guide To: Making Babies

Perfect for pre-teens! This informative book provides all the information you want your child to have about making babies, without the disturbing, icky bits. It covers important topics like: Will I get pregnant if I’m diddled by my youth pastor? How to avoid Satan’s “home base” with this 1 simple trick. And also, the Santa-Jesus baby delivery method revealed!

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Florida’s Official Guide To: Real Families(tm)

Real Families(TM) in our state own guns and are preferably the appropriate color (wink, wink)! Targeted to our most precious of resources, gullible children, this engaging book explains how your family can become a Real Family(TM). Plus, we reveal the one Biblically-sanctioned instance when brother and sister are allowed to make babies together!

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Statement of Regulatory Compliance

In accordance with the laws of Texas, Idaho, Florida and sometimes Mississippi, we affirm that these books do NOT contain sexual material, including, but not limited to:

  • Horn-dogging
  • Frontal lobotomy
  • Sipping wine at 3pm
  • Bottom Billy’s
  • Spoonful of cream pie
  • Amish snowball fights
  • Cowgirl dewdrops
  • Steamed chowder
  • Trombone slide
  • Eggs over easy

3-in-1! Florida’s Official Guide To: Real Families(tm) Making Babies with Harriet Tubman

Includes bonus book: ABC’s Homeschool Edition!

3 Guides in 1! This hardcover book includes our most popular guides in the series. Plus, each book includes a signature by the great Gov, G. Santos himself! 

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Parents LOVE our Florida’s Official Guides To

“Definitely buying a copy for all the local schools. Maybe even a church library or two!”

AJ Striker
“What the hell am I even reading?”

fluffer-nutter2932 on Reddit

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